June 29, 2016 Bulletin

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DIGITAL EDITION No. 182  June 29, 2016  EDITOR: Layne Bowen PHOTOGRAPHER: Kris Anderson

CLUB IS DARK JULY 6TH DUE TO INDEPENDENCE DAY HOLIDAY

Our Program for July 13th:

HUMAN TRAFFICKING IN SONOMA COUNTY
(With Welcome to President Jose Guillen)

Welcome President Jose Guillen! We Welcome new president Jose Guillen.  Come hear him present his Theme and Goals for the coming year. The regularly scheduled meeting will follow:

July 13SRPD Detective Chris Mahurin: Human Trafficking in Sonoma County
Domestic sex trafficking/human trafficking is an increasing problem in Sonoma County.  Children and women are sold by traffickers to local men and women for the purposed of commercial sex.  The Santa Rosa Police Department, in conjunction with the Sonoma County Human Trafficking Task Force, has helped to create a collaborative approach for rescuing victims and help them become survivors.  SRPD and the HTTF have also created unique ways to build criminal cases against traffickers and purchasers of commercial sex.  We are also committed to proactively educating Sonoma County residents and the individuals most at risk of being trafficked. Detective Chris Mahurin of the SRPD will provide our club with more detailed  information about the Department’s efforts to stem this deplorable problem.

UPCOMING PROGRAMS

Wednesday, July 20th: 10,000 Degrees – Investing in Our Young Leaders Today
Wednesday, July 27th: Rewiring Your Brain for Success

USEFUL LINKS

Visit our district at: http://www.rotary5130.org
Check out Rotary International at: http://www.rotary.org
Come see us at: http://rotarymeansbusiness

REFLECTIONS FROM OUR OUTGOING PRESIDENT

We are a club that gathers once a week, occasionally a bit more, at a spot we don’t own.

In fact, we own very little – some flags and a bell. So who are we? In the end, what makes us special? It is the people! Each and every one of you brings your spirit, energy, personality and gifts to contribute with others and together our whole is far, far greater than our singleness.

Years from now when I look back and a quiet smile breaks forth, it will be because I am fondly thinking of you. From the most active to the barely able to attend anymore, each of you made me feel special, each of you added something to the one year I was privileged to guide our club. May God greatly bless you in all your paths. I look forward to many more years working, fellowshipping, laughing and serving our community with my friends who go by the name – The Rotary Club of Santa Rosa. Truly the best club in District 5130!

Doug

THANKS FOR THE PARTY 

Debunking 2016 8The Debunking party was a lot of fun with great food and fellowship. Thanks to Mark for organizing the debunking committee.  Thanks to Sam, Ted and Steve for the great barbecue (the tri tip was delicious!) Thanks to Elizabeth and her team who brought the rest of the food, drinks. Thanks to Rick Allen and his team for setting up the check in table.  Thanks to everyone who participated in presenting Doug’s debunking skit! Thanks to everyone who helped with the clean- up.

Debunking 2016 18Special thanks to Karen & Dennis Ball for being forward thinking enough to bring a microphone and amplifier and for Karen’s inspired renditions of the National Anthem (channeling Minnie Pearl) and Sweet Caroline.   Thanks, Dennis for being an ex-officio member of our club and your awesome musical contribution!

ANNOUNCEMENTS

Giro Bello – A quick note was made (by incoming President Jose, I believe) that the Giro Bello had over 800 riders and is expected to net somewhere in the neighborhood of $75,000 (in Yankee dollars) Thanks to Don McMillan for his Giro Bello leadership this year and to everyone else who participated in some way large or small (which was most of the club!)

After 11 years Jack Abercrombie is stepping aside as club secretary, a job he performed flawlessly and dependably. The new secretary is the person who stepped in during Jack’s illness. She applied for the job permanently, and we’re happy to announce that Debi Zaft is taking over the position.  Thanks Jack for your years of service and welcome Debi into the job of Club Secretary!

FROM INCOMING PRESIDENT JOSE

Jose thanked Doug for his awesome year and for all the collective accomplishments of the club under his leadership.  He also thanked former presidents who have laid a great foundation and good examples to follow.  He wants to continue our club’s legacy and enhance cohesiveness and socials.  Enjoying the journey while serving humanity should be our priority. He is excited to embark on this new journey with everyone being part of it.
Here’s to another wonderful year!

PROGRAM

Below is the script for Doug’s debunking. Anyone who may have been filming this will note many deviations from the script. Don spilling beer on Layne was not part of the script – there WILL BE RETRIBUTION!

PRESIDENT DOUG’S DEBUNKING

Any words in bold will have someone holding up a sign to translate

CAST  (10) with speaking parts and maybe 5 or 6 more to fill out the crowd in the stands.

Doug (played by Julia) – Don McMillan – Diane – Layne – Marnie – Jose – Carmen – Eric – Gesine – Mark – Kris Anderson – Andrea

SETTING   Fenway Park, Boston. Seats above the green monster in left field.

After many years of living in Santa Rosa, CA Doug has returned to Boston to live. He is at a Red Sox game when funny things start to happen that make him miss his days in California.  

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But first, to sing our National Anthem, let’s bring out Cousin Minnie Pearl!

Play begins with Karen Ball singing the National Anthem  (camp it up, Karen J ) then yells: “Play Ball!”

Doug arrives to his seat in the back row.  Layne is sitting in row directly front and to his left (drinking whiskey and smoking a cigar wearing a Red Sox shirt).   There are others in the stands as well with a few open seats for late arrivals. Carmen should be sitting in the row in front and to the side of Doug. Diane is seated next to Doug on the back row.

Doug (standing and wearing his Giro Bello shirt, shorts and holding a (Coors Lite) beer and a cigar yells:

Doug:  Hey Sandoval, you suck.  You’re even bigger than when you played for the Giants! Better start drinking these! (holds up Coors Lite can) Let’s see, (looking at his program) Who’s the starting pitcher today? Koji Uehara? Oh, no –it’s Brian Johnson? Hmmm, must be one of my distant cousins…….

Doug then pounds down the rest of the beer he’s carrying, burps and reaches into a bag for another one.

About this time the food vendor (Gesine) arrives shouting:

Gesine: “Smart Dogs! Free range chicken sausage! Wicked Artisan pissa!”

Doug:  Smart dogs? Artisan pizza? What am I, back in California?   DO you have anything with nitrates?

Fumbling around for his money, Doug realizes he may have lost his car keys.

Doug: Oh crap, I hope I didn’t lose my “Khakis” again…… he waves Gesine on…..

Gesine proceeds on and out of the scene shouting: “Smart Dogs! Free range chicken sausages! Artisan…….”

Don McMillan shows up in full Yankee regalia and sits down in the seat in front of Doug.  Immediately, he gets into a fight with a Red Sox fan (Layne) and Doug has to intervene…….

Doug:  Hey guys, you don’t have to fight. This is supposed to be fun! The Sox aren’t worth a damn this year and neither are the Yankees! They’re all just real people, playing really badly! Let’s all get along here at the ballpahk have some fun!

McMillan:  What do you think you are, some kind of (air quotes) Peace Builder, or something?

Doug:  Well, as a matter of fact I started a Peace Builder program at my Rotary Club back in California and… (Don cuts him off)

Don:  California?! You just lost all credibility with me, pal. Land of fruits and nuts is what that is. In this part of the country we settle things like men.  We hire a hit man! What the hell were you doing living in California, anyway?

Doug:  I was out there working for a company selling document processing solutions

Don: You mean you sold copiers.

Doug: No, that’s oversimplifying it – Not just “copiahs” – document processing “solu…tions”. I wouldn’t expect a Yankee fan to understand the distinction!

Don: A copier solution, right? So like I said, what are you, some kind of peace builder?

Diane M. sitting next to Doug turns and comments, in a somewhat starry-eyed, spaced out hippie way:

Diane M:  Peace Builders? Why I’ve heard of that. I’m from California, too. Where peace and love abound, especially in our schools where all children are given participation awards and there are no winners or losers and everyone passes! Where we encourage inventive spelling and use math manipulatives……..

Doug interrupts with a belch and opens another can of beer. Places the old beer on the ledge in front of him and smirks…

Doug:  Yeah, that’s why I had to leave……

Diane M.: What do you mean?

Doug:  Well when I ran the Rotary Club, if you wanted an award, you had to go out and earn it! None of this giving awards for merely showing up and being a knife and forker. Diane: Oooooh, you had to earn it? I don’t think I’d like that very much……

Doug: No, really, success is earned, not given.  Awards are given for actually doing something, like my Rotary Club did.  We did things! We raised money for Polio Plus, gave dictionaries to third graders. We didn’t just pahdee (party)

Diane:  Ooooh, do I like dictionaries…….

Doug:  We did all kinds of cool things, like ringing bells for the Salvation Army and giving poinsettias to seniors at Christmas.

Diane: Oooooh, I do like flowers……..

We accomplished things!

Don: How did you get around the language barrier (chuckling)

Doug:  We held fun events like bocce ball tournaments. We did fun fundraisers like a cooking class.  We had a cigar and whiskey event that was a wicked pissah.

Layne immediately turns around and comments

Layne: “Hey, I’d like that!”  Then takes a swig of whiskey from a bottle in a paper bag…..

Doug: We had great Rotarians who worked hard. We had one Rotarian who looked kinda like that redhead down there (points at Carmen who is a fan sitting nearby)  named Cahmen who started our big bike riding fundraiser (points to his tee shirt). We had new Rotarians that came in and worked hard – like this  Deadhead, named Steve Mahburger. Another thing everybody had to know was the 4 Way Test…..

Layne: Damn, that sounds like a lot of work….

Doug:  You’d think so, but any time someone brought up something that needed to be done that I didn’t want to do, I’d just say, “We can start that when Jose takes office”.

Andrea: But what if it was something that couldn’t wait until Jose’s year?

Doug (chuckling) I’d just refer to it to a committee. Committees are so slow, and never meet. By the time they actually came up with something, I knew I’d be out of office! At the last board meeting, I REALLY did them a favor and gave each board member an autographed photo of myself!

Andrea: So what about budgets?

Doug, very smug:  I’ll tell you how I handled budgets with the board – I’d say “Follow the math” and then I ROUNDED UP!

Andrea: But that doesn’t seem fair……

(enter Marnie, passing Doug and Diane)

Yale: Hey look, it’s Kim Kardashian!”

Doug (interrupting) Fair, schmer – It passed MY 4 way test! At this point a tipsy Marnie is stumbling her way to her seat holding a glass of wine and comments and she promptly starts reciting, somewhat drunkenly:

Marnie:   Is it white?, Is it chilled? Is it Trecini? Is it wine? Now THAT’S a Four Way Test!

Marnie kills the glass of wine in one giant swig and pulls a bottle of Trecini Wine from her bag, pops the cork and pours another…..plops down into her seat and then yells:

Marnie:  Go Red Sox!”

At that point, Carmen turns around and say’s,

Carmen:  “Oh, Gawd – SHE’s here- We’re sure to lose now.”  (this is a somewhat inside joke that a number of people will get- any time Marnie attends a Giants game, they lose)

(Eric and Jose enter, holding a police photo of Doug, looking for him across the stands) arrive to serve an arrest warrant to Doug.  As they pass by the obviously drunken Marnie, Eric looks at her, sighs and kind of shakes his head and mutters under his breath……

Eric: “I might as well arrest you now – I’m sure we’ll be picking you up later on a DUI.”  (Looking toward the audience he say’s to himself out loud) “She’s kinda cute though – maybe I’ll just ask her if she needs a ride home. I wonder if she’s married…….”

Carmen:  (handing her business card to Marnie) take this, I’m a lawyer. You may need me later today…..

Marnie, in turn abruptly hands Carmen HER business card and says, “ I’m a realtor. Are you looking for a new home? (burps slightly with her hand over her mouth).

Kris Anderson, then leans over and hands her business card to Carmen, “I’m a mortgage broker…..”, winks and goes back to watching the game.  At this point, every single person in the crowd starts trading business cards (cods J).

Doug:  “Hey, hey, wait a minute! What is this, a ball game or a Scoop club? Oh, and geez, look at the scoreboard! They’ve screwed up the instant replay and they’ve got the balls and strikes all wrong! That never would have happened at one of my Rotary meetings! I started a tech committee that made sure all of our Powerpoint presentations went off without a hitch!”   (There should be a lot of laughter at that point)

The cops get to Doug and Jose says,

“Sir, come with us – You’re under arrest”

Doug: “What’s the Chahge?”

Jose:  “You have been accused of misuse of surplus Rotary funds to purchase Red Sox season tickets and running an illegal gambling scheme involving a white board with boxes and numbers in California. Our DA, Jill Ravitch said she can’t retire until she has you behind bars!”

Doug:  “But wait a minute, can’t we work something out? That money wasn’t for me. We used it to take New Gen kids to the ballpahk.   We used it to help fund water projects in poor countries, fund senior programs, dictionaries and to fund scholarships, you know, to give Steve Olson something to do in retirement.”

Eric starts putting the cuffs on Doug

Jose:  “I’m sorry, sir. You can tell it to Judge Hardcastle.”

Mark as the PA Announcer:  “Please stand for the 7th inning stretch and sing along to Neil Diamond’s Sweet Caroline”

At this point, the chorus of Sweet Caroline starts playing (led by Karen) and everyone starts to sing along, including the cops while putting cuffs on Doug and leading him out of the park.

CAST:  Remember to sing out “SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD, SO GOOD!”

Doug (while being led out) hollers over his shoulder,

“Hey, wait a minute – Is this fair to all concerned? Is it the truth? This isn’t building friendships! I don’t think this is beneficial to all concerned – especially me! I don’t get no respect!”

in pure Rodney Dangerfield fashion.

END

To see all the photos from this program, here is a link:
Photo Gallery of Debunking of President Doug

 

A FEW PHOTOS OF THE EVENT

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Debunking 2016 2

 

OFFICERS

Rotary Club of Santa Rosa Officers

President: Jose Guillen, President Elect: Julia Parranto, President Elect Nominee: Tony Roehrick, Past President: Doug Johnson, Secretary: Debi Zaft, Treasurer: Cecil G. Humes, Sergeant at Arms: Jack Geary

President Rotary International

John F. Germ, member of the Rotary Club Of Chattanooga, Tennessee

Governor, District 5130

Wulff A. Reinhold, Sr. member of the Rotary Club of Rohnert Park – Cotati

Attendance Secretary

Debi Zaft P.O. Box 505 Santa Rosa, CA 95402 707-538-4770

Board of Directors

Kathleen Archer, Jack Atkin, Gesine Franchetti, Ray Giampaoli, Will Haymaker, Elizabeth Karbousky, Steve Marburger, Jackie McMillan, Diane Moresi

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